BBC 6 Music Podcasts.
6 Music.
This is a free download from the BBC.
Find out more at bbc.co.uk slash 6 Music.
And now, Adam and Joe.
Hello, I'm Adam.
Hey, I'm Joe.
Welcome to the Adam and Joe 6 Music Podcast.
Some of you out there...
Choose not to listen to the actual broadcast show.
You just go straight to the podcast.
You're obsessed with this, Adam.
Every week you point people towards the listen again.
I'm not saying it's bad.
Yeah.
Just pointing out that you're very, very keen that people listen to the full show.
Yeah, maybe I am.
It's about, is it about the combination of music and chat?
I think it's the variety.
Right, so you're eating, people are eating chocolate bars when they could be having fruit and nut bars.
That's right, I think you need to take the rough with the smooth.
Right, the peanuts and the raisins.
Exactly, you need to have your roughage along with the refined sugar of the podcast.
Because basically I was listening to the podcast last weekend
And I got one of those moments where you just hear yourself the way maybe one of your detractors might hear you.
As a boring?
No, as just a giggling monkey man.
Right, right.
You know, and you were just like saying things and I was just in order to fill up space or just provide some kind of
audible response.
I was just going... There's nothing wrong with that.
I love it when you do that.
I did it a lot this week as well.
No, I like it.
Equally, I sometimes listen to the podcast and I find myself interrupting you the whole time.
Right, saying, why don't you?
In fact, one of my ideas was to bring in, go back through the podcast, pick out some moments when you'd started a sentence and I'd interrupted you and you'd never come back to it and just find out what you were going to say.
Because it's like a mystery.
I mean, in last week's podcast, there was a bit, you started quite an interesting sentence.
Did I?
And I just steamrolled right in.
I never heard the end of it.
I'll bring it in next week and we'll get to the bottom of that mystery.
It was almost certainly nothing.
I bet it was a nugget of pure Sony winning gold.
Lollipops.
To find out more about lollipops, listen to this week's enjoyable Adam and Jo podcast.
Are you ready for the Adam and Jo podcast?
Made with little nuggets from their radio show.
Mildly amusing mini-moments from the past.
Beautifully preserved in super stereo.
Stereo.
Stereo.
Everybody likes it from your sister to your mother.
Stereo.
Stereo.
Hello, my name is David.
I'm David Bowie.
I live in space and occasionally I come to earth.
I've got fairies in my garden.
I live inside the garden.
I'm talking to the fairies right now.
No, I'm not.
I'm from the future.
Oh dear, I've come back in time to destroy your world.
Stop me?
I'm never ever going to stop you.
I want it to go on forever.
You know it could go on forever.
It could, couldn't it?
Like life.
Good morning listeners.
My name's Joe Cornish.
Hi, I'm Adam Buxton.
And welcome to our Saturday morning show here at the Big British Castle.
We hope you've all had a lovely Halloween evening last night.
Adam and I drove through Camden together, as we like to do on a Friday night, holding hands at midnight.
Singing to each other.
It was a crazy bacchanalia, wasn't it?
It was a wild, crazy scene.
There was people all made up like skeletons.
People have gone costume crazy.
I think it's the biggest Halloween ever in the UK on record.
On record, exactly.
Statistics show.
Since records began.
Since Halloween records began.
What scale of measure do they use?
Terror, fear, national heart rate.
You know, effort that people put into the costumes.
Right, the effort scale.
Well, people have gone costume crazy.
The whole American thing has completely crossed over fully now, hasn't it?
Adults are dressing up, the kiddies are dressing up, the teens... Oh, them kids sure know how to party.
cool they certainly do these days you know they're crazy about it they love to drink and talk and do the don't they and they were all doing it in camden last night we were there was a bit of a jam through the main camden uh lock area traffic was shunting quite slowly
giving drunken costumed revelers the opportunity to try and terrify the occupants of cars with various gurning leaping and hood smashing that's right there was a party guy wandering around wasn't he and he ran up to the windscreen of a car
He made a face in the car!
He did.
Window!
Which is wrong.
It is wrong.
And disgusting.
Because that could cause an accident.
There should be a greater police presence.
They should make costumes illegal.
Well, they should get rid of Halloween.
They should get rid of Halloween because it's evil.
I mean... And imagine the confusion and the number of robberies that could be caused by people in costumes.
I'm surprised, given the proper health and safety procedures that are now in place in many areas of life, that Halloween is allowed to continue.
It should be stopped.
Let's start that campaign here.
Let's start it here, because we could get the Daily Mail involved.
It's a health and safety nightmare.
Let's get that ball rolling.
Certainly.
I turned up this morning to work.
I know you did.
And here I am.
What do you think?
I think that's one of the best stories I've ever heard.
Now I turned up this morning to Weston House here in central London where we do the show and I was all excited because I thought maybe there was going to be camera people outside because it was all week on the news.
I don't know what's been happening but there've been like news people outside talking to DJs
I thought maybe they'd be outside this morning.
So I, um, put on some smarter clothes than I would normally have worn.
Did you?
Are you serious?
You're not dressed smart.
Did you do your hair?
Did you take a moment extra to preen yourself?
Well, you know, we went out last night to this Halloween party and I wore a skeleton makeup.
I painted my face all black.
You look good, man.
Thanks a lot.
It took me ages.
And I put loads of black lipstick and everything all over myself.
We should make it clear that you were doing yourself like a skull.
Yes, exactly.
Like a guy from Live and Let Die.
That's right.
A voodoo kind of priest.
So all around my eyes I had the big black sockets, you know.
So I was trying to wash it, I was scrubbing and scrubbing and I woke up this morning and it looked as if I had eyeliner on.
It looked as if I was some old fat member of the Cure with eyeliner.
I thought, oh no, I can't turn up at work for the camera people.
They might ask me my opinion about things and film me.
So I scrubbed it off.
I was scrubbing, scrubbing.
I thought, oh no, no, there's still a little bit on there.
I've got to get it off, otherwise I'll be on the news.
My mum will see me and she'll think I've joined the Cure.
That'll never do, I've turned into Alan Carr.
So yeah, it was all, it didn't, there was no one there.
I think you should carry on doing the Alan Carr voice.
We might get some telly work.
So that's a good idea, isn't it?
So Song Wars, just to recap listeners, was spooky last week.
Our challenge was to write scary songs and Joe wrote one about a ghost, what it was like being a ghost, a kind of conversation with a ghost.
It was called Hello Mister Ghost.
And mine was called Nutty Room and it was a jazzy number about a kind of serial killer's lair.
Yeah, and we've had various email responses.
And here's one that came in from Andy Clark.
I vote for Adam's Nutty song, A Worthy Effort.
Joe's song is a travesty and he should be deeply ashamed.
That's a bit much though, isn't it?
I mean, I'm pleased that he likes mine, but deeply ashamed?
And Stephen Tappan says, difficult one this week.
Adam's is very funny.
Oh, you know what?
I've printed out all the ones that are pro me.
Because I thought there were going to be so few I thought I could just literally thank personally the three or four people who voted for me but actually there's slightly too many to make that interesting.
So anyway here's the results and this week I'm very excited because they're in an actual official BBC envelope.
This is part of the corporation as a whole pulling its socks up I assume.
Quite right.
Long overdue.
I think it's a foregone conclusion.
86% plays 14%.
To whom?
To you.
Now, this is looking pretty bad for me, isn't it?
I mean, I've had a pretty extensive... You've only been back on the job, Songwars-wise, two weeks, though, haven't you?
Like, no, even one.
When was the last time you did a Songwars thing?
Not for a while.
Do you think I should blame it on Garth Jennings?
No, you've got to keep your hand in, is the answer with Songwars.
What do you mean?
Oh, you just keep doing it every week?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have been working very hard during the week.
I'm not blaming you.
You could know.
If I could tell you what I've been doing during the week.
I've been working hard too, you know.
And I managed to do the songs much harder than you.
And on much more important things.
But do Garth's... Sir, please, Mr. Producer, do Garth's songs... are his victories mine?
What are you talking about?
Well, when he won while I was away, does that go on my scorecard?
Sir, can you just shut Cornish up and play my song, which has won this week?
Sir!
Sir, Cornish... Sir, this is a travesty, and I'm going to complain about this.
Naughty, I am a naughty man, I'm sitting in my naughty room, and I'm carting.
some bits of human skin to make it to a big cocoon.
It's a clue for the cops and a bullet to make out the stops, because I am a complicated loon.
Look at the jars, look at the jars, look at the things inside the jars.
I put some fingers there, some hair and several wickers.
Look at the walls, look at the walls, totally covered in crazy scrawls.
And from time to time I add a couple of stinkies I love the smell and the gloom of my crazy nutty womb Come on over for some nibbles and some drinkies It's so wonderful to meet you in Yukon Welcome to my nutty lair Careful of the pit, mind the pile of s*** Have a seat on the bed of human hair I hope you like injections and butterfly collections And the work of the performer Leo Sam
Crazy, have you ever seen a person who was so completely nuts?
Lazy, oh no, and always working, making something out of other people's guts.
Patrick Swayze.
Naughty!
I am a naughty man, I'm sitting in my naughty room And I've got to eat some bits of human skin to make it to a big cocoon It's a noob for the cops and a bully got the stops Because I am a complicated loon
So we were talking about procrastination routines.
Yes.
Right.
Joe was talking about the fact that he went off to Amsterdam this week to try and do a little bit of writing.
What was your thinking there?
Just, you know, get a different place.
Maybe I'll do some work.
Yeah.
I wanted to get away from all distractions.
Right.
Hole up in a little apartment.
Garrett.
A Garrett.
Somewhere with eateries close by.
So I got a little garret in the Jourdan, the nine streets, very nice area.
But I did, I got almost nothing done.
I procrastinated incredibly.
I just couldn't concentrate at all.
What's your favourite bit of procrastination technique?
Cleaning.
I can only work when the entire house is spotless.
Really?
From floor to ceiling, yeah.
What, get the hoover out and everything?
A bit of window lean as well?
No, I wouldn't go as far as the windows.
Usually it's just my office.
I have to have the office absolutely in perfect order, my little writing area, before I can do any work.
Yeah, that's a good one.
I do some cleaning sometimes.
Very, very seldom.
Obviously the invention of computers has brought a whole lot of new... computers have been invented.
It happened about 20 years ago.
Right.
And that brought a whole lot of... what I mean is the internet, having that on your desktop.
That's terrible for procrastination, isn't it?
Well, exactly.
I mean, you've got the routine is you start off, you check your email.
Yeah.
And then you go online to check various things that affect you online, whether they're social networking sites or whatever.
Check your progress on your social networking site, YouTube, et cetera, et cetera.
Maybe you've got messages on YouTube.
Maybe you've got messages on your Facebook or your MySpace.
Check your emails again.
Check every single bookmark in your bookmark.
Absolutely.
For the latest news.
See if anyone's, you know, all the blog roll stuff.
And this has now eaten away, what, 45 minutes maybe?
At least.
Yeah, you decided you were going to start work at 6, it's now 6.45.
Time for a snack.
That's a very good idea.
Oh, I'm so hungry after all that.
And then you get thirsty after the snack.
Of course you need a... Back upstairs.
You need to go back upstairs for a little bit.
Bit of thinking, back downstairs for a bit of drinking.
Exactly.
Get a nice tall glass of water.
Oh, that's lovely, that's delicious.
Oh, I need to go to the loo now.
Go to the loo.
Oh, nice magazine.
I'll read the magazine on the loo for a little bit.
That's nice.
OK, right, back to work.
I like to ego surf as well.
You know how much I like to ego surf?
Yeah, you love it.
I can take out an hour and a half with ego surfing.
Adam and Joe, six music into Google.
Adam and Joe sellouts?
No, that's not true.
I refuse to believe it.
Oh, Adam and Joe are geniuses.
That's true.
I like to check our position on the podcast charts.
I like to check for any new reviews on the podcast site on iTunes.
Right.
By which time your desk is a bit messy, so you've got to reorganize.
It needs to be tidied again.
Reorganize the desk.
And of course, there's the cat.
My cat.
Feed the cat.
She needs to be fed.
Constant harassment, being let out.
And while you're reorganizing, you think, you know what?
This is not the best system.
I've not got the best system here.
I should create a new kind of filing system.
This stuff should go over here.
While I'm at it, why are these CDs not alphabetized?
It's insane.
I've got them organized by genre.
Alphabetically would be much better.
That's only going to take me an hour.
I'll do that and then back to work.
And after that, I'll just check my emails and then back to work.
I tell you what, I've got no emails, but I need to do a little bit of research before I get back to work.
That's a good idea.
Research.
Wikipedia or something.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And then just get really interested in it and follow a different line of inquiry.
At which point, time for another snack.
Of which time is the end of the day?
Probably.
Of which time it's 4.30 and it's time for some booze.
It's tea time.
It's a day with a genius.
Exactly.
Hi, this is A Sexy Woman, and you're listening to the highlights of the Adam and Jo BBC Six Music show.
Ooh, this podcast has got me so hot.
I'm too hot.
I'm going to have to sit down and take off my cardigan.
I'm boiling.
You know, one of the nicest things about it getting very cold is it's hottie-bottie weather.
Hotty... Hotty botty.
Oh, hot water bottle.
Yes.
Do you not call them hotty botties?
What else is there to call them?
Hot bot.
Yeah.
Hotty botty.
How do you refer to them?
Um... Toasty... A boiling liquid sack.
Toasty rubber sack.
Toasty rubber sack.
No, seriously, how do you say... Do you use them?
Do you... A hotty.
A hotty.
A hotty is what my mum used to call them.
I think everybody calls them hotty botties.
I've never heard hotty botty.
Come on.
No, because it's misleading.
You might be thinking of bottoms.
That's what I was thinking of when you said that.
The nice thing about winter is your hot bottom.
What?
Hot body?
Hotty body?
What?
Anyway.
Have you had one yet this year?
No, you know, I haven't had one for ages.
I'm talking about a hot bottom.
Yeah, sure.
I've got one right now.
But no, hot water bottle.
I'm not a big fan.
Aren't you?
No.
I don't like the heat.
I prefer the cold.
I rejoice when the winter comes round.
Really?
I know what you mean, actually.
They can get too hot, hottie-botties.
You know, I'm the kind of person that likes to kick the duvet or the sheets if I'm in a hotel or whatever.
Untuck them.
Untuck them, certainly, and have my feet sticking out at the end.
I don't want a big, hot thing.
You're right about hottie-botties.
They're too hot at first.
Do you try and fill it right to the top?
Well, not only do I fill it right to the top.
I don't fill it up so it's bursting.
I fill it with maybe a third of a kettle.
And then my dad, when I was a child, taught me to be very careful to squeeze the rest of the air out so the hot water rises to the lip of the hottie-bottie.
It's a dangerous game because... Because if there's air in it, it'll make it go colder faster.
Sure, sure.
But then when you're squeezing, trying to get all the air out... You mustn't let the hot water spit into your eye or burn you.
Sometimes you can squeeze too vigorously!
Too vigorously.
And then maybe if you're in your gym jams, or maybe nude, you've just gone down to the kitchen in the nude, and you're making a hottie-bottie, your whole...
Your whole body is vulnerable.
Yeah, that's very dangerous.
And then where, the other question is, where does the hearty potty go in the bed?
Do you, do you have it next to your breasticular area?
Do you squeeze it between your feet?
Between your thighs.
Is that where you put it, between your thighs?
Generally, yeah.
It's too hot though, burn your thighs.
Yeah, but I'm not, this is one thing I was going to ask you.
You're not just using the naked rubber bottle, are you?
No, no, you have to have a cover.
Have you got a bespoke cover or do you just wrap a towel around it?
We have two covers.
We have a lovely floral cover so Hottie Bottie number one.
And number two is a big pig.
We were given it at Christmas.
I think my mum gave it to us.
It's a big pig with a bow tie.
That's nice.
Is it furry?
Is it fluffy fur?
Oh sure it's fluffy.
I like that.
He's a very smart pig.
That's a good idea.
But you know what?
I find hot water bottles, they're just too hot.
I have to have it about two feet away from me.
And then heating up a sort of foot square area of the bed, getting it molten, melting the mattress.
And then I roll onto that spot and move the hot water bottle to where I was.
Do you know what I mean?
So it's like a sort of a hot spot.
It's as if Dobby the House Elf with a very hot bottom.
Mm-hmm has been crouched on the bed warming it up.
Well.
That's revolting why well nothing revolting about the idea of Dobby being there and you'll forget me I shouldn't have introduced Dobby.
I mean maybe that's like a hot pot perhaps.
That's what Harry Potter does He just doesn't need hot pots anymore because he's got doubles
That would be quite disturbing, wouldn't it?
Between his thighs.
It's a really cold night.
He clamps in between his little magical thighs.
Come on, Dobby.
I'm ruddy freezing in this bed, Dobby.
Voldemort's left the window open, Voldemort.
Is he the head of Hogwarts?
He will be by the end of the next film.
Voldemort's left the window open.
My thighs are ruddy freezing.
He doesn't say ruddy.
He might do, if he's feeling particularly edgy.
Dobby crawls between his thighs.
Clamps in between his thighs.
Oh, thank you very much, master!
Oh, Dobby!
Dobby's bad, Dobby's bad, Dobby!
You're bad, Dobby!
Other way round, Dobby.
Your head towards the bottom of the bed, Dobby.
This week on Texternation, we are asking for your ideas for kind of punning film titles that haven't been used already.
Yeah.
From which we can construct the idea for a movie, is that right?
Yes.
I was watching while I was away on telly the film Made in Manhattan.
Why were you doing that?
Because I like it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's something about that film I really like.
No, are you serious?
Yeah, I don't know why.
With Jell-O?
Yeah, it's just odd.
She is a disaster.
I enjoy it.
Who is the man in that film?
Ralph Fiennes.
It's Ralph Fiennes.
It's really kind of peculiar casting, and he looks like he's going to kill her and eat her at all points in the film.
And it's so ridiculous that she's a maid.
She hasn't cleaned anything in her entire life, J-Lo.
Maybe that's wrong, actually, because she's from the block.
That's true.
And there's a lot of self-cleaning.
She would have cleaned her rocks.
Yeah, exactly.
But it's so ridiculous that I can't but love it.
But what a title, Made in Manhattan.
M-A-I-D.
Yes.
And this arose because a friend of mine is at film school and he's trying to get a short film commissioned, so to speak, by the lecturers at his film school.
He's not having a lot of luck and he was saying, come on, think of a really killer short film idea.
And I was avoiding the subject just by
Suggesting that he starts with the title.
How about this?
Can I put you on the spot?
Yes.
All right, then third party insurance Okay, it's a guy.
He's at college.
He's got a reputation for having amazing parties.
Yeah He's about to have his third one that he's having a party war with someone else Donnie well, I gotta do a better party than him this year.
Otherwise, my rep on campus is gonna be in the mud.
Oh
It's a phrase they use in the mud.
And so it's his third party.
And of course, he's very worried.
He's having it in his parents' house and he has to get insurance.
I've got to think of a double meaning for insurance.
Oh, God.
But how's that for a start?
That's good, man.
That's a very good start.
Oh, and he's his dad's an insurance.
Nice.
He's studying insurance.
It's a little bit like risky business.
That's good.
Now, Joe, I was having a chat with some friends about National Treasures the other day, because I was watching Strictly Come Dancing for the first time, never seen it before.
And I sat up and my young son, Frank, who's about six and a half, he couldn't get to sleep, so he came down and he watched some telly with the grown-ups.
And obviously hosted by the giantifical Bruce Forsyth, obviously.
I mean, he is, what, like,
150 now?
What is he?
He's in his 80s though, isn't he?
And he is an extraordinary figure of a man.
Yeah, he's to television what Clint Eastwood is to films.
He is undoubtedly though, wouldn't you say, a national treasure as far as the Brits are concerned.
British national treasure.
Who else?
If you had to compile a list of the top ten national treasures, who would you definitely put in there, no question?
I would say, maybe at number one even, Stephen Fry.
I mean, that's a no-brainer, right?
And I was thinking, like, to qualify as a national treasure, you have to be a fairly uncontroversial figure.
I mean, that's not to say that there have been elements of Stephen Fry's life and career that have taken him into controversial areas, but on the whole, he is much loved by a huge swathe of the public for good reason.
So he would be in there, maybe number one.
I would put Wogan on there.
wouldn't you think?
Terry Wiggin.
What about Joanna Lumley?
Did you see her program where she saw the Northern Lights?
No I didn't actually.
That was very moving.
Treasure status.
Instant treasure status.
That's a good idea because I was going to ask about female members of the national treasure community.
They're harder to come up with.
I was thinking of Judy Stench.
Well, the royal family have the job of selecting national treasures, don't they?
Because they award them medallions and trinkets.
So all we'd have to do is look at the New Year's honours list.
Has Fry got some honours there?
He hasn't got nothing.
It's about time, isn't it?
You've got to give him some honours.
Maybe he's turned them down.
I mean, you would think that he would be laden with honours, wouldn't you?
He should be.
OK, how about this?
Ant and Dec.
Too young.
Too young?
Why?
Because it could go wrong for them.
You reckon?
Yeah.
No, it will never go wrong.
No, you have to be old enough that you're really not going to make any mistakes.
Listen, Ant and Dec have skirted the shores of controversy but not by their own hands.
The thing about Forsyth is if he came anywhere near any controversy, he would keel over.
You have to be, I think, so mature that you take life and the world very gently, and that makes you a risk-free zone.
I think Ant and Dec do that.
Do you?
I don't believe that they would ever knowingly court controversy.
Oh, really?
Richard Breyers.
Briers, yes.
Yeah?
I would say.
Top 10?
Maybe, I mean, because he means more to our generation, perhaps.
Yeah, what's he done recently?
That's the other thing, is you've got to keep visible.
Stay in the ice.
Yeah.
Keep working.
Exactly.
Keep on.
Briers, no, he hasn't really kept his end up.
Come on, Briers, pull your finger out.
How about this one?
No question, I would say.
Top ten.
Uh, Attenborough.
Oh, absolutely.
I'd give him to all the Attenboroughs.
Really?
All Attenboroughs?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, speaking of Davids, Jason.
David, absolutely.
Jay Hall.
Yeah.
Well, only fools and horses is a national treasure.
It should be projected directly into the eyeballs of all newborn babies.
Is that ten?
Have I got ten?
In this country.
What about Trevor McDonald?
Oh, that's a good one.
He's a national treasure, isn't he?
McDonald.
Did you see him on the National Television Awards?
No.
He was doing- I wouldn't watch that if you held a gun to my head.
You missed out.
You missed the news that Tennant's stepping down as Doctor Who then.
Don't care.
Oh my lord.
You're out of control.
You're a loose cannon.
We're in the midst of textination and we're asking you to suggest punny phrases.
It's a hard one to express, isn't it, to describe.
But if we give you some more examples, people might get the idea.
We're asking you to suggest titles for films and we will make up the story of the film from the title you suggest.
That's the simplest way to put it, I think.
Inspired by Made in Manhattan and Made of Honor.
The more generic the phrase, the more likely it is to have multiple meanings that we can then extrapolate.
Right.
OK, how about this one?
Candy from a baby.
Well, it's a bit tricky, yeah, because it would have to be about a baby.
that basically excretes sweets.
Yeah.
Which is a nice idea.
Which is a nice idea.
The kids would love that.
Can you imagine?
And the baby's mum would be called Candy.
So you already got a double meaning there.
But not only does it excrete sweets, it excretes wonderful new sweets.
Yes.
That no one's ever invented before.
Lollipops.
Lollipops.
Didn't we have them last week?
We had the lollipop and then it would be an ethical minefield.
It would be a sort of Erin Brockovich style courtroom drama because Candy would be exploiting the baby, feeding it all kinds of food to try and keep up production of the lollipops.
Kevin Spacey would play a lawyer who's hired to defend Candy and loves the sweets.
He loves the sweets.
It's a complicated one.
Oscar bait though.
But then when they're... Oscar thing.
That one's being hotly tipped for an Oscar already.
But then in the climactic courtroom scene, right, they get the baby, they get candy.
Is the baby called candy as well?
No, the mum's called candy.
The mum's called candy.
They get the baby and the baby has to produce some lollipops for the jury.
But at that point, the baby's gift deserts it.
Oh no.
And the jury are confronted... With actual plops.
With actual plops, all of which they have to try.
Right?
Wow.
Ah yeah, a little groovy break.
Now back to work.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music.
We were talking earlier about hottie-botties.
Hot water bottles.
It's even better said in a really bad Australian stroke New Zealand accent.
Hottie-bottie.
It's nice to say.
A couple of people have suggested that we're missing a trick with hottie-bottie.
You've got to use the word water as well.
Right.
Alan Vickers says the definitive name is Walter Hottelbottle.
That's what he calls it, right?
Walter Hottelbottle, yeah.
Or he says the definitive name is Walter Hottelbottle, please conform.
Alan Suffolk.
So that's more like an edict.
Please confirm?
Is he saying?
No, he says conform.
Conform.
Conform.
Oh, I see.
We have to use Walter Hottelbottle.
I like that.
I like turning an object into a person.
It's always good, isn't it?
Sure, absolutely.
It's including the water element there as well.
John in Edinburgh says, you're missing a trick there.
It's not a hottie-bottie.
That's just foolish and ignores the vital component.
It's a hottie-wottie-bottie.
That's very good.
I wasn't aware of any of these.
To me, it was all... A whole new world has opened up for you.
A new fantastic point of view.
Unbelievable smells.
That was a great chat.
Here comes another.
Adam and Jo are rocking the podcast now.
Here's some suggestions for Song Wars next week.
We asked you to think of shows, TV shows that we could do a new theme tune for, right?
We've got loads of ideas that have come in.
I'll just rattle through a few of them now.
Hello Adam and Jo, this is from Sarah in London.
Could you create a new theme tune for Spooks?
Do you watch Spooks?
Never watched Spooks.
I don't watch Spooks either so maybe that's not such a good idea.
That could be good though.
She says, I watched it last night.
It's a great show but the theme tune sounds like Casualty.
It doesn't quite fit.
Jane from Alton in Hampshire.
She says, surely the EastEnders theme tune is seriously in need of updating.
I feel that might be, that turf might have been covered by other people in the past.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Something more uplifting, more cheeky chappy.
I am going to smash your face.
Oh my gosh, I've had a terrible accident.
Too easy.
Yeah.
Good morning Adam and Joe.
This is from Paul who lives in Amsterdam and he doesn't get any work done either he says.
I should have hooked up with him while I was over there.
Yeah.
He says, please do QI.
You see, that's a good idea.
He says, it's got a dreadful middle-aged BBC-employed white guy making cod reggae theme tune, which lets down an otherwise fantastically entertaining show.
Very true.
Think of the fun you could have with the lyrics, he says.
Good idea.
This is from Liam now.
Hi there, Adam and Joe.
You should maybe think of composing a theme tune to a show that has no theme, like Lost or Heroes.
Does Lost not have a theme?
No, it just goes.
Oh, that's a theme, though.
Not really.
Not really.
I mean, that's a disgrace, if you ask me.
Well, they don't have time for themes in America.
You might lose interest.
Get on with the story.
But that's a good idea.
I like the idea of doing a lost theme, maybe.
It could be... It's a good one for you.
You watch that program.
Yeah, I like it.
I'm looking forward to the new series.
What's that?
That's back in the nutty room.
That was my I'm excited about lost thing.
We've got so many ideas here.
Fran says, the way I see it, there's no other option but to revamp the songs of praise theme tune.
It's been stuck in the past for a decade.
I'm sure the Adam and Jo treatment will be sensitive to its classical and religious traditions whilst bringing it right back into the noughties.
Classical music is the only type of music that you two haven't really attempted.
And to be frank, I've been very disappointed by this.
Well, it doesn't usually have a lyrical component, does it?
Well, I suppose it could be operatic or choral or something.
What are you leaning towards from those suggestions so far?
Well, I'm leaning heavily towards QI, because I agree completely with those sentiments.
I think it's a... I mean, there's something attractive about that theme tune, about the middle-aged kind of hopelessness of it.
It's comforting.
Yeah.
It's just like a little old man having a bit of a skank.
Yeah.
Having a mild, non-hip-threatening skank.
That's right.
That's what the show is like.
And finally from Frankie, how about a new theme tune for Skins, the E4 drama about teenagers?
I like that.
The current theme tune is all a bit too light and fluffy and doesn't really reflect all the bad behaviour that goes on.
Yeah, that's true.
The titles are terrible for Skins.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's very true.
So thank you very much for all those suggestions.
Those are excellent.
Well, we'll have a think during the week and so that'll be next week's Song Wars.
We've had a wonderfully overwhelming response to Text the Nation today asking you for phrases that could be turned into the titles of films very easily and we're kind of pitching you ideas.
I'm putting Joe on the spot by throwing some of the phrases you've suggested at him and seeing what he comes up with.
And we've got a few great movies that I'm looking forward to seeing in the movie houses all lined up.
And here's two or three more just to finish off the feature today.
How about this one?
This is an anonymous one.
Buy one, get one free.
But I was thinking, buy Juan, get Juan free.
Yes, exactly.
It's a Hispanic gentleman that arrives in New York and he puts himself on the game.
And he brings his twin brother over as well.
As a gentleman lover.
Doubles his money.
They're both called Juan.
Yes.
You buy Juan, you get Juan free.
Okay.
That's stereotypical accents and I'm sorry.
Exactly.
How about, this is from Matt in Lancaster, how about Plane Jane, a film about an average looking air hostess who has to save passengers by flying an out of control plane, thus getting together with a fella at the end or something, says Matt.
I like the idea that she might land the plane, and maybe she's in love with the guy that brings them in, you know, that waves the paddles?
Yeah.
And she brings it in and the nose would stop just before it taps Jim.
And then she'd climb out of the window and they'd have a kiss.
And also she has a makeover in midair.
Right.
So by the end of the film, she's not so plain.
Very good.
That's a goer.
Thanks, Matt.
That was fun.
He's written the whole thing for us.
Excellent.
OK, how about this one?
Last one.
Dave Duster says chest of drawers.
Chest of drawers is is very good.
But again, that's an adult film.
That is all there is of the podcast.
It is all over.
So there you go.
That's it.
That's the podcast.
No hidden tracks or anything like that this week.
It's a classic podcast.
It's very straightforward and simple.
Someone was suggesting that, and we're referring to my mental breakdown during the Roger Moore interview of two weeks ago, someone was suggesting that we took that audio and made some kind of a house mix of it.
That's a good idea.
Well, listen, we got our work cut out for us for Song Wars next week.
That's true, another week.
New theme tunes.
I've got to get to work.
Listen, folks, have a good week.
Hey, can I just say, I've got to finish a draft of a script by the end of next week, so my Song Wars might be another complete disaster.
Look, you know, I do have things in my life that I have to do as well, but I don't constantly refer to all my... I know, I know.
Well, you should start doing it.
Yeah, do you reckon?
Yeah, it might help.
I've got to build a mosque next week.
Really?
A whole mosque in one week.
So it might be that my song isn't quite as good as it should be.
That kind of excuse.
But why a mask?
Well, why a script?
Fair point.
There you go.
You didn't think of that, did you?
Thanks for listening.
Cheers.
Bye.
Love you, bye.